Summer is almost here and a recent quote suggested that we should start early in life to prevent wrinkles later. That quote prompted the notion that God already generously provided the perfect solution for handling wrinkles later in life, with zero personal effort required. First, he designed our vision with deteriorating parts that wear out and become blurry, especially at close distances. Second, he provided us with obscuring cataracts as a bonus remedy, should the vision somehow survive longer than the warranty period, as planned in the first solution.
Certainly, the objective of these two combined gifts was to maintain confidence about our physical appearance as we age. Thou shalt not dwell on the negativity of unbeknownst defects, cleverly rendered invisible by abysmal eyesight. Unfortunately, after many thousands of years, the human race gained sufficient intelligence to invent dependable eyeglasses by the middle ages, thereby destroying God’s perfect wrinkle solution. Adding insult to injury, our twentieth century doctors perfected surgery to permanently and effectively repair cataracts, again ruining the second phase of God’s perfect wrinkle remedy. God’s original solution was clearly demonstrated in a life lesson from my grandmother, Marie Steeples, who lived to age 95. In her 80s, she underwent cataract surgery that was deferred for many years. Following the surgery, her first emphatic words upon looking in a mirror were “My Governor, I’m OLD”!
Undeniably, these marvelous inventions have ensured most people enjoy excellent sight throughout their lives. Consequently, we must now rely on God’s new path by smothering our bodies with the latest health products to soften, preserve, protect and beautify our skin, in hopes of preventing wrinkles that we now see clearly, even in our later years. No more ignoring doctors’ pleas to use sunscreen when outdoors. No more ignoring and resisting a wife imploring you to use face cream. That’s right guys, put on the “makeup”. I surrendered about fifteen years ago to a simple face cream with sunblock, thanks to Yvonne’s refusal to give up on my health. Already having both Lasik surgery and cataract surgery, she continues a relentless pursuit with a formidable vested interest in my wrinkle prevention! Hopefully, the first forty years of sunburns and weather exposure hasn’t already tainted my skin indelibly for her medically enhanced perfect eyesight. I now sometimes enjoy using a borrowed phrase from her when there is an important task at hand, “OK Honey Bun, but I have to put on my makeup first”.
Wear your sunscreen folks! Cancer and wrinkle prevention are wonderful and serious goals, despite the sarcastic humor you have endured here.
4 replies on “God’s Perfect Wrinkle Solution Destroyed by the Human Race!”
Your grandmother actually said, “oh, my governor where did I get all these wrinkles?!!” Cute essay, Mike!
OK, I stand corrected.
After the removal of a basal cell carcinoma a few weeks ago at 32 years old, I am starting to understand the appeal of bathing in the Fountain of Youth.
Danielle, you are very wise for your years. Glad you were able to get the basil cell treated. Many of us, like me, ignore simple preventive measures for decades until the damage shows up more visibly in our health and appearance.